More Thoughts on Blogs

I'm still stuck on the damaging effect of the typical mommy blog. I've stopped reading them and my life is so much better. I was in such a fog before. I could barely see the negative effects they were having on me. I'm so glad that I decided to give myself a trial period away from them. I wish I could convince others how much better life is when you don't have to compare yourself to thirty other people doing the same job you're doing. I'm probably more insecure than most moms out there, but I also believe there are plenty other people who could benefit from leaving the mommy blogging world. So do it! Try not reading them for a week and see how much better you feel about yourself.

Should I Move?

I've lived here all my life and I've got to admit it's been good to me. I've made lots of good friends, tons of my family lives here and I wouldn't mind giving my kids the same kind of memories and happiness I had with growing up here. I'm sick of Utah. I'm tired of being a mom here. Maybe it wouldn't be any different or better anywhere else, but I'm hoping that Mormon Moms are different outside of "Happy Valley".

I do tons with my family so I know that leaving would absolutely devastate them and myself for awhile, but I'm also tired of having everyone around. That obviously makes no sense. Leaving sounds ludicrous even as a write it. But I'm up for something new. I'm up for trying to be out on my own with my own little family. I want to watch us become ourselves, instead of just an aside to our families. Mostly, I want to get away from my in-laws. Maybe I'll post more of the specifics on that later. In short, they're super nice, but most of them are gone out of state too, except for Scott's parents. His mom is great and we get along fine, but his Dad is weird and he scares me. So I'd love to get away from all of the awkwardness that that creates and not have to see them every Sunday. It's uncomfortable being the only "kids" left and awfully boring. I wish just one of his sibblings was back here to live. But really in moving, it would probably just make coming home horrible, and ten times as tricky with the balancing families act.

I'm also sick of our house. It's too small. We thought we were going to be gone right now and so staying is difficult. We've got two small kids and we ran out of room once the first one got here.

I want more for Russ and his work. Things are kind of at a lame stanstill for Russ and work. I guess maybe the thought of that improving anywhere with the economy like it is, is wishful thinking, but I'd like to think he could do better. Maybe looking outside of Utah is the only way we'll find something better.

Mostly, I want a change. I want a change of wards, friends, houses, jobs, life. I want to start all over again. I want there to be more people to be friends with, more to learn and more to do. I'm tired of feeling lame and being here. I'm sure a lot of it is just that I need to change. I need to do things to make my life better, but I'm at that point where I don't care and I just want out.

Blogs

are evil. Ok at least most of the ones I read are. You know the mommy blogs. Ok so this is one too, so I'm being a hypocrite. But really I just read one today about how she feels all bad about herself and her abilities as a mother and she's trying to figure out why. Oh maybe it has something, I mean everything, to do with you reading other people's blogs and comparing yourself. I totally do it and so does everyone else I can actually bring up the admission from. So I've started whittling down the blogs I read. I'm an addict, so I'm starting slow. I guess it's sort of like that nicotine gum with the steps. I'm starting with the ones I don't really care about and slowly working my way down. I'm especially paying attention to getting rid of the ones that make me feel bad about myself. It's working! I'm feeling better and I don't miss those silly blogs that made me feel lousy anyway and I'm sure I've got more time on my hands as well. Go ahead you do it too. Well, except for maybe this blog.

Clothes Wars

Seriously, how long can your child hold out? Mine can hold out indefinitely apparently. We just spent the last three hours trying to get pants on. She is SO opinionated! Everyday it's a battle over her clothes. I've been trying to just pick out two outfits and let her pick which one she wants. So that she can still choose, but also so that I can have some control over her choices. Today it was cold and so I couldn't relent (not that I often do). She had to wear pants and she wouldn't. I had her sit in the corner. I told her she couldn't come out of a room until she put them on. I tried everything. In the end we both ended up a sobbing mess until she finally decided on some pink pants and I finally decided "whatever". I still don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. Do I do the "two outfit choice" tomorrow? I think I have to if this is ever going to end. I have to stick to my guns and I have to make sure the hubby does as well. Gosh being a parent is so hard. And who thought something so seemingly insignificant as what to wear would be so incredibly difficult.

Why I'm Writing This Thing

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one out here that feels this way. And maybe I'll be the only one that ever reads anything I write. I'm not telling a single soul about this blog. I'm hoping that way I'll be able to write WHATEVER is on my mind without worrying if I'm offending someone or what someone else is thinking about me. I keep looking for a blog like this, a blog that isn't written that is a polished up, censored version of someone's life. I want to really know if your fridge always looks that perfect or if you spend three hours cleaning it, just so you could take a picture of it for your blog. Were your kids screaming and crying for the whole three hours you took to clean that fridge? Maybe that's how it really is, but I wanted to show another side. I want to tell you every little piece of how I'm doing this mothering thing. I want you to give me your honest advice and experience so you can help me figure it out. And I guess if no one reads this, then I'll publish it someday for my kids, when they have kids, because I'd LOVE to have something like that from my mom. So that on the days I'm sad, frustrated or totally ready to throw in the towel, I could see what she did and not feel so alone. So here it goes. . .